


Safe place

by LetoaSai



Series: Pen Pals [4]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Cloud, M/M, Meet the Family, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Squall, Pen Pals, Roommates, Safe Places, Texting, True Love, changing pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25338394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetoaSai/pseuds/LetoaSai
Summary: Cloud and Squall had been together for months and it was a milestone they were taking seriously. That didn't mean Cloud had mentally prepared himself to meet Laguna, or Squall's friends for that matter.
Relationships: Cloud/Leon (Kingdom Hearts), Leon (Kingdom Hearts)/Squall Leonhart/Cloud Strife
Series: Pen Pals [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1298501
Comments: 30
Kudos: 65





	Safe place

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any version of Final Fantasy.
> 
> Also, Cloud's pronouns sorta change every scene.

Cloud sat relaxed on the couch, notebook resting on the cushion beside them and guitar in their lap. They’d been going back and forth between writing out the notes they were playing and jotting down lyrics here and there that they would fit in later. 

They’d finished their online courses and had officially graduated high school without any fanfare. Their diploma was in the mail. Squall had been so proud at how early they’d finished and had taken them to a fancy little restaurant for dinner and had baked a little cake for them to share at home. It might not have seemed like much for some people but for Cloud it was the most wonderful surprise. They didn’t like to stand in the spotlight but Squall had showered them with affection anyway. Just the right amount. 

Now it was Squall’s turn. His last day of school was fast approaching and today was some kind of senior picnic. Prom was another issue and Cloud was absolutely dreading it. They wanted to go so badly because they’d certainly never get a chance again, but they were already feeling sick over it. How would they present? Would they embarrass Squall? What would other people think? 

Huge parts of them cursed their feeble terror. Their mind screamed that they didn’t care what other people said, but their stomach rolled in protest. Their hands shook. They were easily startled as the day fast approached. 

Squall had invited them, of course he had but he’d also made it very clear that he would understand if they weren’t feeling up to it. Their comfort came first. The two of them could do something else that night.

It was sweet. It was infuriating. Cloud didn’t want to be that pathetic. They wanted to go. They wanted to celebrate with Squall but their own anxiety had been picking away at them all week. 

The song they currently worked on was for Squall, something of a gift that also helped distract them. It was coming along nicely and focusing on the music kept them from being alone with their thoughts for too long. 

Today Squall would come home with his cap and gown and Cloud would make him try it on just to see. Cloud didn’t personally feel like they’d missed out on much being home schooled but they wanted Squall to have it all. 

Cloud could now officially say that they’d lived with Squall for months and it was an exciting milestone. Things would change again soon no doubt but Squall had promised over and over that they’d always be together. It settled some of those jumpy nerves in Cloud’s chest. 

When they heard a key at the door they quickly changed tunes to not ruin the surprise. 

“You’re earlier than you said you would be.” Cloud said, focused on the strings. 

The door shut, a long pause offered before they heard a response. “Well now, who might you be?” 

Cloud’s head jerked up, pulse suddenly in their throat. The older man smiled brightly, dropping a small bag and pulling off his suit jacket. This had to be him. Same eyes, same bone structure, same long legs...

“I…” Cloud muttered, breathing in slowly. “Mr. Loire?” Of course he had a key… 

“I know who i am.” He offered a friendly smile. “How about you?” 

Cloud stood suddenly, guitar clattering to the floor harder than they would have normally liked. “I’m…” Oh Gaia, what were they. What to do? What to do? What kind of impression were they even making? Sure jeans and a tee-shirt weren’t offending garments but their hair was long and pulled up and they’d spent the morning messing around with makeup tutorials again. No one but Squall had ever seen them feeling so in the middle of the spectrum. Did they look okay? Was it stupid? Were they allowed to even be here?

Gaia! Had Squall ever even told his father they had moved in?!

His father was someone important. He ran some company and often traveled. It was one of the reasons Squall had elected to live alone and not cause a fuss. Now he was standing here observing them. Not good. Not good. 

Cloud inhaled shakily, finding it harder and harder to take in air. Oh, not now. Don’t do this now while they needed to make a good impression. A small sound passed their lips like a hurt whine and they had to fight to keep from fleeing to the bedroom to lock the door behind them. 

“Oh no, i’ve scared you.” Laguna said, voice kind. “Take a seat. Please take a seat.” He came closer, gesturing to the couch that Cloud had gotten up from but hadn’t made any moves to touch them. “It’s okay, take a deep breath.” 

Cloud did, but it just came out a sob. The week of pent of anxiety over a stupid dance was shoving it’s way out now that the flood gates were opened. They collapsed back onto the couch, hugging themselves and feeling like the biggest failure. They’d wanted Squall’s father to like them so bad. 

“Shh, it’s perfectly alright.” Laguna hushed, voice soothing. It was so similar to Squall's and must have been where he’d learned it. Cloud didn’t have any happy family memories like that. 

What would happen now? Would they have to leave? Where would they go? All they had was Squall. 

They started hyperventilating and flinched when Laguna sat on the couch beside them. 

“I’m going to touch you, okay?” Laguna said quietly, lightly placing his hand on Cloud’s back. Cloud was thankful for the warning. “Everything is okay. We’re just going to sit here and talk. Nothing to worry about. You take some nice long breaths and i’ll start talking. I love to talk. I’m really good at it. Most people tell me i never shut up.” 

Despite everything, Cloud barked out a shaky laugh. 

“That’s right, laugh at me. Most people do.” Laguna laughed softly himself. “Just take a nice deep breath when you're done. It’s okay. We’re going to get through this together. I’m so sorry i startled you. I came to see Squall. It was a bit of a surprise but i also wanted his graduation schedule and such. I know i’m pretty busy but i’d move the world to make sure i was present for my own sons graduation. He’s going to growl at me for not calling first. I forget these things.” 

Cloud felt tears down their face but it was also oddly easy to hone in on Laguna’s voice. His tone wasn’t all that different from Squall’s and it was nice. 

Laguna ran a hand up and down Cloud’s back and continued to talk about nonsense. It wasn’t all that different from what Aerith did when she needed to calm them down. It was a combination of filler conversation and questions. In Laguna’s case he seemed to be asking rhetorical questions that he could answer himself and lift even that burden off Cloud. 

“You’re not in any kind of trouble, you know?” Laguna continued, his voice gentle. “Let the stress go. You don’t have any worries at all right now. Everything is going to be just fine. Take another deep breath for me. Just like that.” 

It was strange to be lulled into a sense of safety by a man they didn’t know but he was checking off all the fear boxes. They weren’t in trouble. It didn’t sound like Squall was in trouble either. It didn’t even sound like they were getting tossed out. Surely there’s no point in calming someone down just to kick them out, right? 

They shifted back and forth between Laguna chattering and a mostly comfortable silence. It was allowing Cloud to take their time relaxing. At some point Cloud must have zoned out, too focused on breathing in and out that they didn’t notice that Laguna had moved. He must have because a glass of water was being pressed into their hands a moment later. 

“Sip.” Laguna encouraged. “I’m so sorry, Cloud. I truly didn’t mean to trigger you.” 

Cloud’s eyes jerked up, never actually recalling introducing themself. “How…?” It was all they could say. 

Laguna’s smile softened. “So you are Cloud. I thought you must be. I can’t imagine Squall letting just anyone hang around his home but i remember when he was little, sending letters across the country.” 

Cloud went pink, maybe he should have realized that. 

“I could tell when he came home with a letter. They were some of his happier days. I could tell when he was writing a letter back to you as well. He was seldom so keen to do other school work.” 

Cloud shuddered but tried to smile. They nodded, hoping to convey the feelings were very mutual. 

“I do remember him asking me questions when he was younger.” Laguna said quietly. “How do you make someone happy with words? How can you calm someone with words? How do you tell them how special they are, when all you have are words…” 

Cloud bit their lip, hiccuping at the thought Squall must have put into every letter sent. 

“He never shared your letters with me.” Laguna said, “But his questions alluded to enough to tell me that you didn’t have it very easy growing up.” 

Cloud shook their head, it was the only real motion they could muster. 

“He and i looked up ways to calm anxiety and it looks like i still remember a few things after all these years. It’s very nice to finally meet you Cloud.” 

Cloud nodded and inhaled, trying to form real words. 

Laguna was kind. “You take your time. We have all afternoon for me to get around to thanking you for always being there for my son.”

“No.” Cloud swallowed, finally looking up at Laguna, eyes puffy and voice thick as tears still fell. “Was him. Was always him. Always there for me. Always. Squall…”

Laguna smiled and rubbed a small circle on Cloud’s shoulder blade. “It sounds to me like you were two very lucky people. I’m glad he has you in his life.” 

It was such a wonderful thing to say. They had never really had anyone that encouraged their letters beyond their teacher. “Thank...you…”

“When you feel up to it i’d like you to tell me if i just startled you or if it was something else. I’d like to not do it again.” 

Cloud felt their face heat up, stinging against the tears running down their face. “Startled.” They swallowed. “Only Squall ever comes in. No company. Our space.” 

“I see. I’m very sorry i will make an effort to call next time.” Laguna smiled. “Are you living here?” 

Cloud inhaled sharply, fidgeting all over again. 

“It’s perfectly okay if you are.” Laguna continued quickly. “Squall is responsible and reliable. I imagine you are much the same. You’re allowed to make these kinds of decisions on your own. I trust you both. You would not be here if Squall did not trust you one hundred percent and that is good enough for me.” 

“Really?” Cloud hated how their voice squeaked. 

“Really.” Laguna said kindly. “I’m so sorry i scared you. I’d love to learn more about you.” 

Cloud smiling shakily, regretting making a fool of themself. “I really don’t know what to say.” 

Laguna hummed thoughtfully. “You don’t have to say anything. Not yet. Not if you aren’t ready.” He picked up the notebook that had slid off the couch at some point and glanced at the notes before breaking into a smile. “At least i know you’re musical. You play very well from what little i heard when i came in.” 

“That…” Cloud went pink, reaching for the notebook which was calmly handed to them. “Present.” They muttered, clearing throat again. “For Squall’s graduation.” 

If possible, Laguna softened even more. “I see. I won’t breathe a word. I took piano as a child. I hated every second of it. I love the sound you see but i’d prefer it if someone else was playing.” 

Cloud managed a smile. “I know a little piano. Little better than beginner level. I focused more on guitar. My teacher, she had all kinds of instruments in her house. She let me dabble here and there. I’m better with string instruments.” 

“I could never get my head around them. I had a friend while i was still in the military, he loved the guitar and tried to teach me a few cords but i was horrendous at it. I never knew how to get a sound from the strings if my fingers were on them.” 

“Take’s a little practice.” Cloud said, suddenly feeling shy. Hojo had never had anything nice to say about musicians. They leaned down to pick up their guitar. “Squall got me this one.” 

Laguna chuckled, not looking any kind of put out or irritated. “Good. I’m glad he did. We all have our own passions and if you’re good enough to be writing your own music then i wouldn’t be surprised to learn this was yours.” 

“Thank you.” Cloud said, feeling themself turn from pink to red. “You really remind me of Squall.” 

“Oh don’t let him hear you say that.” Laguna laughed. “He thinks i’m a touch loud and too annoying.” 

“Well, he has his moments.” Cloud said, hoping Laguna sensed it was a joke. By the way he laughed instantly, he did. 

“I admit, i’m glad to see you here. Squall likes his privacy but i always hoped that didn’t leave him lonely. Knowing someone is around him puts my mind at ease.” Laguna smiled and Cloud was already picking up on subtle hints that he was a talkative and energetic sort of man who was toning down his usual boisterous behavior for Cloud’s sake. 

It was definitely appreciated. 

“It’s less lonely for me too.” Cloud muttered. 

“Even better.” Laguna nodded. “Can i coax you into playing something for me? It can wait if you don’t feel like it.” 

Cloud shook their head and settled the guitar back in their lap. They started playing a song they’d written already, one played hundreds of times while practicing to get it just right. It was one of those songs that allowed Cloud to drift in and out of their thoughts, able to play it almost just on muscle memory. 

Laguna was an excellent audience. He listened and applauded and Cloud spent the next hour playing for him. Having something to focus on put them at ease and gave their nerves times to settle. It was a goal achieved that they no longer felt like they would collapse in a heap of tears or throw up all over the carpet. 

They were oddly at ease with the older man. He was nothing like Hojo. That alone had Cloud putting more faith in the man.

When the door popped open again and Squall walked in, he was already talking. “Hey, i’m home. Do you want to go to- Dad…” Squall blinked, dropping his bags that likely held his cap and gown on the kitchen table after walking in. “Damn it, dad!” 

“Hello to you too, son. Do i really warrant a ‘damn it, dad’ the second you walk in?” Laguna had an easy grin on. 

“You’re supposed to call first.” 

Laguna shrugged. ”I pay the rent.” 

“You insist on paying the rent.” Squall muttered but he really didn’t want to dig himself into some kind of hole. He liked having most of his needs paid for. He was...a little spoiled after all. He came into the living room, hand dragging across Clouds shoulder blades as he moved around the back of the sofa to join them. It was a silent inquiry. 

-Are you okay?-

Cloud looked up at Squall and offered him a wobbly smile. It had been rough, but they’’d made it through without further humiliation. 

“I do.” Laguna mused. “You shouldn’t have to worry about such things just yet. You could have told me you needed an upgrade though.” 

“I don’t.” 

“Oh Squall,” Laguna waved the words away. “This place was barely big enough for you but it’s what you wanted. Two people need more space.” 

“Um..” Cloud’s face was hot, “I don’t mind it I’m grateful just to be here.” 

Laguna’s smile was downright kind. “And i’m glad to have you Cloud, but you and Squall both need more space. I don’t care what your personal arrangements are but things must be cramped.” 

Both of them flushed red at the implication but Laguna seemed to let it go. His point was hard to argue when Cloud’s notebooks were lining the wall under the window where he usually kept his guitar and the little kitchen table was filled with Squall’s school things. 

Bags of non perishable food things lined the kitchen floor since there wasn’t room to put them away and most of the eating was done at the coffee table. The apartment wasn’t dirty but things from every room seemed to be spilling out into the others. 

“Dad, it’s okay…” 

He shook his head. “You both strike me as the sort that don’t complain. So consider it a gift. I will start looking for something more suitable for two people. Nothing fancy!” he ended quickly when Squall looked like he was about to object. 

“Can we have veto power?” 

“Oh, i suppose.” Laguna smiled. “I came to talk to you about your plans for the future but this is much better.” 

“This?” 

“Meeting Cloud of course. It’s been a long time coming. I remember you writing letters, Squall.” 

Squall went red and Cloud...adored that look. That he didn’t deny how excited he’d been as a child to exchange letters validated something deep in Cloud. 

Their feelings had always been mutual. 

“Dad…” Squall sighed, embarrassed. 

Cloud couldn’t help their smile. “Your dad reminds me of you in little ways. It’s nice.” 

Squall made a face at him but Cloud always saw more than he wanted them too. Squall got easily frustrated with his dad but he loved him. Being compared to him wasn’t the worst thing in the world 

The two shared another long look and Squall just took their hand and squeezed it. 

Laguna watched the two of them, his own parental pride spiking. They were good kids. Mature kids. 

“So,” Laguna clapped suddenly. “Am i taking your two out to dinner tonight or are we ordering in?” 

Cloud looked surprised, “O-oh, you don’t have to.” 

“I do.” He disagreed. “It’s what a father does and i’m afraid i’m not around as often as i’d like to be. This is a must.” 

‘Father’ had Cloud a little flustered when it was obvious they was being included. Just like that they’d been accepted. 

“You wanna go out?” Squall asked, dropping down to sit beside Cloud. “You’ve been inside all day. Can make sure he doesn’t take us somewhere fancy.” 

“He never lets me be over the top.” Laguna complained with a smile tugging at his lips. “You two pick.” 

Cloud heaved a shaky sigh.Gaia knew how long it would take them to get ready and _feel_ ready but… “Going out to dinner sounds nice.” 

Squall smiled, pecking a kiss against their lips. He was proud of them for not hiding. Squall’s pride triggered their own sense of pride. 

“Wonderful!” Laguna grinned. “Spending time with family is important and i have so many questions.” 

Squall just sighed, rolling his eyes at his dad. He hadn’t said no to dinner though either. 

~

Cloud’s heels clicked as she walked down the sidewalk and every click put a little more of a pleased bounce to her steps. Clicking shoes could just be fucking fun… 

Laguna had handed Squall a credit card and told him to buy whatever they wanted. Squall had scowled and argued and Laguna had just laughed and placed it in his hands, claiming that both of them were far too responsible to do anything reckless with his money. 

As it was, he told them to consider it a free pass to buy their own graduation presents. That was an idea they liked a little better. 

With Laguna’s approval they each got a new laptop and Squall spoiled Cloud with new clothes for a variety of days. The shoes..well, she loved a new pair of shoes no matter how she presented. Now the money she had set aside for her wardrobe could go towards a second wig. It was a silly thing to be excited about but she felt pretty and that went a long way to putting her in a good mood. 

Squall was spending the afternoon at his father’s office and Cloud thought she might spent a little time at the Chapel. Aerith’s little teashop had been something like a sanctuary for her. She felt safe inside and didn’t feel so stared at. 

She still hadn’t got up the nerve to tell her new friends about herself yet. She’d wanted too, she’d really wanted to but fear kept her from saying anything. She liked Aerith. She liked Tifa. She didn’t want to lose the new people in her life. 

As nice as they were, would they treat her different? 

At the chime of her phone she smiled, already knowing who it was. 

Griever (1:03 p.m.): I should have gone with you

Fenrir (1:03 p.m.): What’s wrong?

Griever (1:04 p.m.): People keep showing up.My dad loves to hear himself talk. 

Fenrir (1:05 p.m.): so your opposite

Griever (1:07 p.m.): God, yeah. He wants to take us on vacation during the summer. 

Cloud felt her heart rate kick up a notch and she nearly stumbled on the sidewalk. Traveling.. Traveling was hard. 

Fenrir (1:08 p.m.): That’s a sweet gesture… 

Griever (1:09 p.m.): Baby it’’s okay to be freaked out but you don’t have to worry. I told him no, not unless he thought of something.. I don’t know.. Relaxed. 

Griever (1:10 p.m.): No Cruises. No ten country tour. Not millions of people. No bullshit.

Cloud’s shoulders sagged, relieved. It wouldn’t be so hard with Squall beside her but with traveling, her anxiety was in overdrive just thinking about it. 

Griever (1:11 p.m.): I didn’t mean to scare you

Fenrir (1:11 p.m.): No, i’m okay

Fenrir (1:12 p.m.): You helped already. A little vacation sounds nice but maybe something like.. A beach trip. Or something… 

Griever (1:13 p.m.): his company owns a private stretch of beach i think… 

Private beach! It was a conceited idea to own a beach but Gaia, she was shaking in relief of the thought. Being able to enjoy herself no matter how she might feeling. 

Fenrir (1:14 p.m.): Well there you go, suggest that. 

Griever (1:14 p.m.): Okay. Dad really likes you, you know?

Fenrir (1:15 p.m.): It’s a relief to me for sure… 

Squall’s father liked her. That was a thousand worries able to evaporate. Next time Laguna walked into the apartment unannounced she wouldn’t fall to pieces. 

Fenrir (1:15 p.m.): I like him too 

Griever (1:16 p.m.): Don’t tell him that. His head will get too big. Going back in the office now. Text if you need me. 

Fenrir (1:16 p.m.): Love you

Griever (1:16 p.m.): Love you too

Cloud couldn’t help a smile and hoped the afternoon went well. Laguna traveled so much for work that he liked to spend time with his son when he was around. Of course, Cloud had no doubt that there were alternate motives sneaking in too. 

Theoretically, Laguna’s company would someday be Squall’s company. Assuming Squall wanted it, that is. Cloud thought he did, but on his terms. Squall didn’t want to be handed anything. 

A few months in Radiant Garden had her knowing her way around a little better but main street was a favorite. She could hardly imagine how Aerith snagged such a prime spot but she had and it was all the better for her business. 

Cloud walked down the crowded street, avoiding people and keeping most of her attention on the tea shop in the distance. Getting to her destination would put her at ease but by now she’d made this trip dozens of times. 

“Hey, that’s her.”

Cloud heard the comment and ignored it. She heard a lot of people talking after all. She had no reason to give it a second thought until the conversation continued. 

“Who?” 

“Squall’s girlfriend.” 

“What?” 

Cloud couldn’t even gasp, just felt her heart rate increase. 

“The ridiculously pretty blond girl. There.” 

Cloud kept walking, chancing a glance over her shoulder. The man was sorta familiar but she couldn’t place him. The woman.. Was Rinoa...She’d only met her briefly but she was sure that was Rinoa. 

Oh Gaia. Oh no. She was not meeting Squall’s friends without him. No way. She’d met Rinoa already sure but on a male day. She didn’t want to explain it. She didn’t want to stand there and have them look at her while she tried to explain who she was. 

Her legs suddenly felt like jelly but she kept on walking. Maybe they'd go away. 

“Hey!” The guy called, Cloud wasn’t sure of his name but it was probably either Zell or Irvine. 

Were they walking towards her? They were walking towards her. She sped up, walking a little faster while on the inside she felt like she was sprinting. The click, click, click of her shoes increased. Just get inside. It was safe inside. 

The Chapel wasn’t that far away. It wasn’t that far away at all. Just keep walking. 

“Hey wait!” 

Don’t run, don’t run, don’t run. If she turned around now she’d panic. She’d either burst into tears or accidentally break that guy's arm. Just keep walking. Stop trembling and keep walking. 

Oh Gaia, she was gonna cry. Damn it. The only thing worse than a sudden anxiety attack when when you could feel coming. 

An arm slid around Cloud’s shoulders and she gasped, looking up at Vincent as he tugged her against him. He was one of Aerith and Tifa’s friend and she liked to think they were headed in that direction too. He was a quiet man, not so different from her and Squall. It usually put her at ease.

“Sorry to touch you while you look ready to bolt.” He said, voice low as he looked over his shoulder with a less than impressed stare. 

Fuck were Squall’s friends that close? Had they actually been chasing after her or was she just running for no reason? Were they nearby or was he just staring at them from where they’d been at the end of the street? Did it matter? 

“Were they giving you problems?” he asked. 

Cloud shook her head quickly, trying to inhale and explain but it came out a shaky mess. 

“Okay.” Vincent said easily, taking her at her word and leading her inside the Chapel, assuming correctly that that was where she was going. 

With Vincent still keeping Cloud tucked against his side, they walked to the back of the shop that was closed off with screens as dividers. It was seating for friends and family that offered a little more privacy. It was back here that Aerith had brought her on her first visit inside. Also, after an anxiety attack. 

It also had the added benefit of keeping them out of sight of the other customers.

“Aerith.” 

Vincent didn’t raise his voice but his tone summoned the woman from behind the counter, her smiled faltered only a little when she saw Cloud was upset. 

“You two sit.” she said, “I’ll grab some treats, okay?”

Cloud managed a weak nod, feeling light headed and was all the more grateful when Vincent helped her sit down. How pathetic was she that she was used to panicking here? And for what? Because she was too afraid to meet Squall’s friends without him there? What if Rinoa recognized her? What if she said something? 

She hiccuped once and hated the few stray tears that got away from her. 

“Are you alright?” Vincent asked, his voice gentle. “You’re sure those people weren’t bothering you?” 

How pathetic, it wasn’t their fault at all. They hadn’t done a thing wrong. It was her, all her. 

“I’m sure.” She swallowed, “Sorry… Just startled.” 

He nodded, looking at her with understanding. He’d always been nice, and might have been her favorite out of all of the girls friends. At least the ones she’d met so far. 

“That’s fine then. It happens.” Vincent mused. Really, she was grateful he’d shown up. Whether he’d chased them off with a look or not.

“They’re just…” She swallowed shakily and stopped talking while she caught her breath and tried to force the anxiety to stop. It was never easy. “It’s fine just…. They’re Squall’s friends and i….” She inhaled again. “I don’t know how to be around them alone. I don’t…. I want them to like me.” 

“Oh, honey.” Aerith said, reappearing with a tray of tea and eclairs. “I’m sure they’ll like you.”

“Only met them a little in passing.” Cloud exhaled hard and wiped at her face. “I don’t mean to panic. I don’t.” 

“It’s not a crime to want to feel prepared.” Vincent added quietly. He understood a little too well and Cloud often wondered if he had his own struggles with anxiety. 

“Running is just so pathetic.” Cloud breathed out slowly, trying to get it under control. “Just can’t do it without Squall, not with his friends.” 

Aerith smiled a little. “I have no doubt that if it’s what you wanted, he’d introduce you properly.”

“He would.” Cloud swallowed, hearing her pulse in her ears. She willed herself to _stop_ shaking. It only worked a little. “I just don’t know how to talk to them. I’m not what they think and i don’t want Squall’s friends to hate me. He doesn’t need that.” 

“Squall is a particular man.” Vincent shook his head. “I doubt he possesses a single friend so fickle that they would decide to just hate you.” 

It was Aerith who latched onto his wording. "What do you mean you aren’t what they think? Why should they think anything at all?” 

Cloud felt dizzy and reached up to cover her face with her hands even as Aerith pushed the cup of tea a little closer towards her. 

“I cause problems everywhere.” Cloud muttered. Squall’s friends were confused and that was his fault. They all knew Squall was gay and they accepted that easily enough. Him having a girlfriend without explanation left them all curious, and Squall didn’t say a word because Cloud wasn’t ready. 

It would have made Squall’s life so much easier. 

“Cloud. Enough.” Vincent said, but his voice was still low and almost kind. “The only problems you're so focused on are in your head. They aren’t anything worth the panic. You’re okay here.” 

Cloud shook her head and forced herself to sip the tea in front of her. 

“It is real though.” Her voice cracking. She couldn’t even be honest with her own friends. Why did she think she could be honest with Squall’s. It would always be hiding half of the time. Her changing gender would always be a factor. 

“Cloud.” Aerith reached out to take her hand. “Vincent’s right about one thing for sure. This is a safe place and you’re okay here. Squall’s friends won’t hate you, i’m sure. No one here will start hating you either. You know that don’t you?” 

“I know but-”

“Nope. No buts.” Aerith smiled. “We like you because you’re Cloud. That’s all you have to be.” She squeezed her hand and forced the eye contact, she was earnestly trying to convey her support and Cloud felt more tears rolling down her face. 

“You know already, don’t you?” 

She kept a hold of her hand. “I know that you are Cloud and i’m not going to stop being your friend. Not even if that’s what your anxiety says i should be doing.” 

Cloud felt her throat tightened and Vincent looked mildly confused despite taking the conversation in stride. 

Aerith knew. She thought she’d been doing so well too. Had she not hidden it well enough? Was it a relief or a strain? She didn’t want to hide, but she’d become so good at it. At least, she thought she had. 

She hated it. She hated hiding. She just wanted people to look at her and see what she felt, whatever that might be. Now hiding in a tea shop she was flipping her fight or flight instincts into now or never. 

Sniffing back her tears Cloud reached up to wiggle her fingers under her wig and pulled it off to rest in her lap. Her shorter hair was pinned down and she distracted herself by pulling out all the pins to fluff up her shorter hair again.

The silence was too loud and she didn’t dare look up at them. Didn’t want to look at their expressions. 

Aerith moved, dragging her chair closer and wrapping her arms tightly around Cloud’s neck. “Cloud is Cloud.” she promised and Cloud burst into all new tears, turning in Aerith’s grasp to return her hug. 

She cried and Aerith rocked her and patted her hair. She felt pathetic, but also so very relieved. She might not have said it but she’d expressed it. Finally told someone besides Squall, and the world hadn’t ended. Not now at least. 

Vincent hadn’t said anything and when Cloud managed to look up the man looked almost bored. He was eating his eclair with a knife and a fork and seemed to just be waiting for Cloud and Aerith to stop hugging. 

“Did you know too?” Cloud asked, had she fooled anyone? 

“No.” Vincent said simply, a slight smile curbing his lips. “Might explain a thing or two but no, i didn’t know. And i stand by what i said before. Squall wouldn’t have the type of friends that would care either.” 

Cloud’s face felt hot, and she hoped he was right. 

Aerith brushed Cloud’s hair out of her eyes. “Drink your tea, okay? This place is safe and you know, you don’t have to wait for certain days to show up.” 

Shame nipped at Cloud over how many times she’d cancelled on Aerith and Tifa when she was feeling more masculine. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She pinched Cloud’s arm and smiled. “I’d like to meet you Cloud, however you're feeling any day. And i gotta say, i might have known but i had no idea you were wearing a wig. It’s so nice! The short hair is cute too.” 

Cloud’s lips tipped into a little smile. “How long have you know?” 

Aerith looked a touch amused. “The day we met. Not at first of course and i suppose i rather cheated. I brought you here and was trying to calm you from an anxiety attack when Squall called, do you remember?” 

Cloud nodded once and let her continue. It was hard to forget acting like an idiot in front of people...in public. 

“Well when i spoke to him on the phone he was worried about you and slipped up. He asked me something like ‘how is HE?’ and ‘is HE alright?’. I think it just habit for him.” 

Cloud actually pouted. “That’s all it took?” 

“Well i wasn’t sure at first you see but over time... Yeah, i could put the pieces together.” Aerith said. “I hope you aren’t too upset i never said anything. No one else knows and i wanted you to feel comfortable telling me in your own time.” 

“Who knows when that really would have been. No one else knows?”

“I don’t think so.” 

“Likely not.” Vincent agreed. “Perhaps it will be easier for you now, meeting Squall’s friends again?” 

“Maybe.” Cloud sighed shakily, feeling emotionally drained. She wanted Squall, wanted to tell him what was going on. That she’d done it. That she’d finally made progress. 

Cloud dug through her purse and pulled out a mirror to fix her face. She’d cried so hard she was looking a little clown like. 

Aerith had even brought her a damp rag so she could start almost from scratch. 

“So the two you were running from.” Vincent commented after a while. “You were afraid they’d find out?” 

Cloud nodded, “Rinoa met me on a male day and the other, i think he must have seen me on a female day though i don’t think we actually met. Trying to explain that i’m the same person…” 

“I can’t imagine how hard that is for you.” Aerith said, sipping her own tea again. “But none of us here will mind, i promise. Should someone say something rude…” She just smiled but it was a look that promised absolute misery. “I’ll talk to them for you.” 

Cloud puffed out a laugh before she could stop herself. Only Squall had ever been that steadfast to threaten someone on her behalf. “Thanks?” 

Vincent laughed, equally amused just as Tifa came in from the back for her shift. “Hey guys.” she greeted, gasping hard when her eyes drifted to Cloud. “You cut all your pretty hair off?” 

Cloud blinked, reflexively holding up her wig and realizing belatedly that Tifa still wasn’t seeing her as male, just with short spiky hair. 

Tifa tilted her head in confusion and Vincent and Aerith burst into laughter. 

~

Squall sat in his father's office after an interrupted morning of impromptu meetings. Laguna was an airhead in Squall’s opinion, but an airhead that kept a multi-million dollar company running smoothly. 

Interlopers had ruined their morning with emergencies they needed to see Mr. Loire about right away. Laguna had apologized over and over and Squall just waved him off and told him he’d wait, all the while snickering over the name Loire. 

Loire was the company name, and actually was his great-great grandfathers name. Laguna’s surname was Leonhart but as CEO of the company, the name attached to him like a title and Loire he became. 

It was almost fascinating to watch his father actually work, he’d thought so since he was a boy and would come to work with Laguna and his older sister Ellone. Laguna wanted to spend time with them wherever he could and that, at times, involved bringing them with him wherever he happened to be. 

It was afternoon by the time everyone had gone, crisis averted and Laguna had simply ordered take out and locked the doors to his office. Just the two of them eating out of chinese boxes felt nostalgic. It was almost a shame it would be ruined by whatever serious conversation Laguna wanted to have. 

“Have you settled on college?” Laguna asked, starting casually. 

Squall made a face. “You know i was accepted into Radiant University.” 

His father nodded. “Right, but last i checked you were still iffy on if you would attend or not.” 

He made a face, he still wasn’t sure. “I mean, i guess so.” 

“What will you be studying?” 

Squall was sure he must have looked surprised. “I assumed you wanted to me to study business like Ellone.” 

Laguna shrugged. “Have i have given you the impression that i would force you into this field?” 

“No, but i assumed.” Squall paused. “Not that Ellone couldn’t take over herself.” 

“You both could.” Laguna mused, looking entertained. “But that’s no reason for you to not pick your own major. What were you thinking?” 

Squall sighed, not wanting to admit just how much he had been thinking about it. “Computer science.” 

“Brilliant.” Laguna said instantly. “A broad, stable section of study. It’s useful whether you decide to work here or not.” 

Something in Squall eased, knowing he had his father's approval. He’d have done what he wanted regardless, but having it… 

“So while i’m searching for a new apartment for you and Cloud i will make sure it is decently close to the university, yes?” 

“Would make sense.” Squall agreed. 

Laguna hummed and made a note of it. “What about Cloud, will be he attending?” 

“I don’t think he applied.” Squall blinked. “He only has so much money saved and doesn’t want to waste it on classes.” 

“Oh, bah.” Laguna rolled his eyes. “He should go.” He paused, "Is ‘he’ the right pronoun?” 

Squall felt a sudden surge of affection towards his father for asking. “It’s fine. They/them if you want to play it safe but they swap back and forth to he/she depending on the day. I’m often stuck on a default of ‘he’ but it’s a learning curve for all of us.” 

“Right then.” he began a new. “I will pay for it, i know they won’t like it but education is important. Was Cloud thinking about music perhaps? They’re so talented already.” 

“I..don’t know..” Squall blinked, even bringing it up had felt like such a touchy subject. “I don’t know if there would be time for him to apply still.” 

Laguna shrugged. “I’ll make a call. They wouldn’t be living on campus anyway so they could only complain so much. Make the offer to Cloud and do try to talk them into it. Poor thing, being in more social situations might be stressful but it might help their anxiety too and you’ll be there as well.” 

Squall nodded slowly. “I’ll offer it at least.” 

“Good.” Laguna was looking pleased. “And try not to keep such a big secret again. You could have told me Cloud was living with you. Your sister didn’t know either.” 

Squall winced more internally than he let show. “It wasn’t meant to be a secret just…” 

Laguna waited for him to explain, quiet and patient. It was probably part of what made him so good at his job. 

“It was our first meeting and i wanted it to go well.” Squall muttered. “I wanted to give him every reason to stay and not scare him off. His anxiety… can be a driving force. I’m already going to double check that he knows he’s coming with me when i move.” 

“You were always so sincere when writing them. When wanting to be there for them.” Laguna smiled, having a proud father moment. “I’m delighted it’s still a source of happiness for you. To see you love someone so much.” 

“Dad…” Squall felt his face go hot. “Can we not?” 

“No need to be ashamed of being in love, son.” Laguna grinned, “Speaking of…” he teased when Squall’s phone went off. 

“Shut up.” Squall chuckled, pulling out his phone and rolling his eyes when it wasn’t Cloud. It was Irvine. 

Exeter (1:54 p.m.): So… sorry if i freaked out your girlfriend. 

Squall frowned. 

Griever (1:55 p.m.): fucking excuse me? 

Exeter (1:57 p.m.): okay so Rinoa and i saw her headed somewhere and we were gonna hi but she kinda took off and we lost track of her for a minute and then she was with some dude wearing red leather in summer. 

Squall blinked and reread the text several times. 

Griever (2:00 p.m.): Took off? Were you fucking chasing her?! What’s the matter with you?

Oh fuck. Poor Cloud.

Exeter (2:01 p.m.): No it wasn’t like that! We were just trying to be polite man…. Rinoa’s never met her. I mean. I guess i haven’t either but i’ve seen her at least. 

Gaia, no wonder Cloud ran. 

“Something wrong?” Laguna asked, watching his expression. 

Squall heaved a sigh. “Miscommunication. Cloud’s probably freaking out now…” But if Vincent had snagged Cloud, things were probably okay. They would go to Aerith’s tea shop to decompress. It was probably where Cloud was headed anyway. 

Griever (2:03 p.m.): you can’t just go chasing people with anxiety

He wanted to kick his friend’s ass but it wasn't like Irvine knew… It made it hard to seek revenge. What a mess of a situation. 

Exeter (2:05 p.m.): we didn’t know! We’ll apologize. Is she okay?

Griever (2:06 p.m.): i’ll find out. 

“Have you considered a counselor for the anxiety?” Laguna asked. “You could go together, perhaps?” 

“Maybe.” Squall muttered. It wasn’t a bad idea. “He’s afraid of being ignored and just told to take pills to get over it.” Actually talking things out with someone might help though. He needed his safe zones. "That was all the foster homes offered."

He dialed Cloud’s number and was relieved when he answered in only two rings. 

“Hey Squall.” 

“Hey.” Squall said, ignoring his father who smiled as his mushy tone. “I’m sorry if my friends gave you a fright. If it’s any consolation, they feel really bad about it.” 

Cloud inhaled slowly and let it out. “No, i’m okay. It wasn’t their fault. I’m okay.”

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” Cloud managed a small laugh. “I’m still a little shaky but i’m okay.” 

Squall exhaled himself, tired. “Good.” 

“I…” Cloud hesitated for only a moment. “Aerith and Vincent know now. Tifa’s kinda working it out.” 

“You told them?” Squall wasn’t sure if he kept the gasp out of his voice or not. “That’s fantastic!” At least he hoped it was. Cloud didn’t sound upset.

“Yeah.” Cloud mumbled softly, hints of joy there. “It’s… we’re okay.” 

“I knew you would be, baby.” Squall muttered, trying and failing to ignore his fathers cooing. “Are you sure, you’re okay?” 

“Yes. Yes it’s good here. Real good.” 

“Good.” Squall was equally relieved. “Then i’ll let you go and see you later, i have to throw something at my father.” 

Cloud laughed, a genuine-having a good day-laugh. “Play nice, and i’ll see you soon.” 

Cloud had found his safe place and this was definite progress worth celebrating.”Well dad…” he muttered after hanging up. “Want to come over tonight for dinner since you’re still in town?”

Laguna was down right delighted. “Dinner with two of my children? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Many people have told me how many times they've enjoyed this series and how many times they've reread it. I really appreciate it and thanks for the patience on this part getting written. Now we just gotta wait for part 5.
> 
> Thank you again for reading.


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